Letting Go

Throughout Yoga Teacher Training (YTT), we’ve been studying the Yamas. We’re currently reading and discussing Aparigraha, defined as non-grasping, not holding onto, not pushing away.  As with all the Yama’s this one speaks to so much in my life. Most immediate is my need to practice yoga every morning. Many mornings–especially when I’m flying solo and there’s a sick kid, an asana practice doesn’t happen. Such has been the case this week and will probably be next week. It’s frustrating, annoying, and discouraging. But, there’s not much that can be done when a 16-month-old is waking up multiple times during the night with a fever. As soon as I stop holding onto this need to practice in the morning or the need for my day to start a certain way, my suffering ends and I’m okay.

On a slightly larger scale, I’ve already started thinking about what comes next…after YTT, that is. It’s very hard for me not to think about what’s next. I love starting new things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m am absolutely loving YTT, but it ends in December and I feel that I need to know what’s next…now I have many options: focus on my yoga with the goal of teaching; picking up some contract work in my old line of work; working part-time; or a combination of these things. In the spirit of Aparigraha, however, I simply need to let this need go. I don’t have to figure anything out right now. When I find myself thinking about what’s next, I also find myself getting somewhat anxious and unsure.  To end this suffering, I need to let go of making a decision. I’m going to try to enjoy YTT and learn from the process and new knowledge, and let that guide the decision. The decision will find me when the time is right.

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Namaste

I recently completed my first weekend of yoga teacher training. This process will be–among other things–a practice in letting go. I spent far too much of the training wondering how I was going to remember everything and thinking of the other things I could/should be doing. Not only do I need to let go of feeling that I must remember everything or that I need to learn it within a specified time frame, but also of having a clean house, folded laundry, and completed knitting projects. Thankfully, my anxiety was less on day two than day one, and even less so on day three. I’m hopeful that my anxiety will continue to lessen and my attention will focus when and where necessary, without judgment.