Mindful biology

It’s such a peculiar thing being a woman. Really. Margie and I were discussing last night how it’s now the norm in our culture to completely promote a girl’s ability to do anything she wants. And rightfully so. Thank goodness for the women’s movement. But…there’s this little catch called biology. Maternal cravings. The biological clock. It’s something that makes most—not all—but most women want to have children.

This is good, too, but often it flies in the face of having it all and doing it all and being everything you can be.  Because you can’t. There aren’t enough hours in the day or space in the brain.

So…we’re left with many women struggling once they have kids to still maintain some larger place in the world. Although it’s fully acceptable (and expected) that women have children, being a mom—and especially a stay-at-home-mom—still isn’t given the full-respect it deserves. Unfortunately, it’s not considered the same as running a company or working as a secretary. And this really messes with the head.

Our friend Janelle recently wrote a brutally honest post about this at Renegade Mothering because this stuff isn’t easy. There are so many different messages out there. Even if you’re firm in your decision to have kids or not. To stay home or work outside of the home, all of these choices are laden with second thoughts and looks by oneself and others.

You may be wondering why I’m bringing this up. Two things. First, Janelle’s post. I rang so true for me and I encourage you to visit her site and read it. And…my recent simultaneous cry-fest over not being  happy at home and desire for another child (we’re NOT). Very conflicting thoughts and emotions! It can be hard to sift through them. But that’s all we can really do. Accept the feelings—whatever they are and whenever they arise. Not judge them in ourselves and others. And accept and embrace all aspects of our being a little more.

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3 thoughts on “Mindful biology

  1. Wow, this is well said, Amanda. You are eloquent. And unlike me, you can say things without swear words (a real sign of eloquence in my opinion). 🙂 This is so true — there’s this misguiding illusion that women can be mothers AND have careers and and and…but the fact is that something’s gotta give. We cannot do it all. Or maybe we can do some half-assed job (see?) at all of it, all the while knowing we’re not doing a great job — wishing we could do/be more. But as you say, the only freedom and relief is in this one perfect moment, right now. I’m gonna read some Thich Nhat Hanh tonight. (and thanks for the “shout out” re: my post).

  2. I will go read her post, but I have to say how well put yours is. Yes, no judging, embrace, accept. I have been both a working mom and a stay at home mom. Both roles are so hard. I felt far more judged in my working mom role, actually. I had one friend who implied (and I think it was her own self doubts) that moms who didn’t stay home weren’t giving their children their all. That could open a whole conversation. All their what?
    It took me a year and half to adjust to being home. I finally did when I carved out something that was just mine, disconnected from the kids. (Arts and crafting.) I make no money doing it, but it gives me a sense of accomplishment and confidence.
    Off to read Janelle’s post.
    Nicola

  3. Pingback: Confidence in my values « Urban Almanac

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