Letting Go

Throughout Yoga Teacher Training (YTT), we’ve been studying the Yamas. We’re currently reading and discussing Aparigraha, defined as non-grasping, not holding onto, not pushing away.  As with all the Yama’s this one speaks to so much in my life. Most immediate is my need to practice yoga every morning. Many mornings–especially when I’m flying solo and there’s a sick kid, an asana practice doesn’t happen. Such has been the case this week and will probably be next week. It’s frustrating, annoying, and discouraging. But, there’s not much that can be done when a 16-month-old is waking up multiple times during the night with a fever. As soon as I stop holding onto this need to practice in the morning or the need for my day to start a certain way, my suffering ends and I’m okay.

On a slightly larger scale, I’ve already started thinking about what comes next…after YTT, that is. It’s very hard for me not to think about what’s next. I love starting new things. Don’t get me wrong, I’m am absolutely loving YTT, but it ends in December and I feel that I need to know what’s next…now I have many options: focus on my yoga with the goal of teaching; picking up some contract work in my old line of work; working part-time; or a combination of these things. In the spirit of Aparigraha, however, I simply need to let this need go. I don’t have to figure anything out right now. When I find myself thinking about what’s next, I also find myself getting somewhat anxious and unsure.  To end this suffering, I need to let go of making a decision. I’m going to try to enjoy YTT and learn from the process and new knowledge, and let that guide the decision. The decision will find me when the time is right.

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3 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. Hi! Nice to “cyber-meet” you. How are you enjoying teacher training? It’s something that I’m thinking about doing, but just haven’t quite gotten to the point of committing. Was your primary reason to teach or to improve your practice?

    • I’m enjoying the teacher training immensely. My primary reason for taking the training is to improve my practice. A close second, however, is the opportunity to explore whether or not I want to teach. The verdict is still out on teaching, but my practice feels stronger after only 2 months.

  2. Amanda,
    I identify with this need to know what’s next, where I’m going, what I can be doing in the future. And I too was doing this with YTT and realized that in the process of planning, I missing out! I’m a believer in what’s meant to be, will be, it always happens this way, but yet I still fight. When we started this yama, I realized this. It seems the best part of all of this, is this realization…
    See you soon
    ~CC

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